Am i suppose to be, or am i suppose to feel like shit right now? idk..because its like im so numb to how things use to be between us, yet i feel so much at the same time. So wtf, which is suppose to take place in my mind??I want to be completely numb, but my feelings are fighting the ability to just say,"fck it." I mean, thats how i feel and thats what i been saying, but behind those words lies confusion of how im suppose to feel. This is why i dont like liking someone..ever. because once i become dissapointed, its like my mind has a damn identity crisis or something. thats why i try so hard not to like someone, or trusting someone on an emotional level. i cant deal with being happy and feeling like i've finally established an understanding with someone, then suddenly feel like, "damn, i guess im misunderstood after all." or just a feeling of complete doubt...im just too sensitive of a person to be able to completely say "fck it," because of the fact that a bond of understanding was once there.. making me question whether it still is or not..idk.
Liking someone is probably the worst thing for my well-being. thats why i just try so hard to make sure it doesnt happen. and when it does, its like i want to shield myself away from the person i want, but unfortunately it doesnt happen. I just feel like shit right now..i start questioning whats wrong with me once rejection takes place, even though i have yet to find the answer to that question i have asked for so long.
It sucks though..because if one day someone actually accepts who i am, it might take me a while to realize it, due to past experiences.but thats how it is. I think some people are just not meant to be in a "relationship." Im only 16 so i dont care to be in one anyway, i just dont wanna like anyone..and if i do, i at least want them to like me back...and for it to stay that way.
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