Show Me.

by John Legend.

I realize as I lay down to sleep
We haven't spoken in weeks
So many things that I'd like to know
Come have a talk with me
I need a sign, something I can see
Why all the mystery?
I try not to fall for make believe
But what is reality?
Where do we go?
What do we know?
Life has to have a meaning
Show me the light
Show me the way
Show that you're listening

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

Guess it's funny how I say thanks to you
For all you've given me
Sometimes the price of what you gave to me
I can't stop questioning
O God of love, peace, and mercy
Why so much suffering?

I pray for the world, it gets worse to me
Wonder if you're listening
When people go
Why do they go?
Why don't you choose me?
But someday I know
I'm gonna go
I hope you're waiting for me

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

Maybe we'll talk
Some other night
Right now I'll take it easy
Won't spend my time
Waiting to die
Enjoy the life I'm living

Show me that you love me
Show me that you walk with me
Hopefully, just above me
Heaven's watching over me

electric relaxation.

 well, well, well. its been a while. things have been quite different.. i have a feeling this will be a better year. i've been having my share of fun lately.. as i should be. met  some interesting people.. done some cool things. i feel like the older i become, the more i begin to know myself. hopefully this journey of mine will be worthwhile.. because i would hate to not gain anything..mentally. i realize more each day, and i'm glad because it gives me something to think about. sometimes you have to let things fall into place.. everything can't be controlled, and i've learned that. i like the idea of  living freely so much more. it feels natural. why stress about things that i can do nothing about ? why live according to a structure everyday ? i cant... i wont be happy. i just need to kick back, chill, and enjoy the relaxation..

Me.

confusion. wonder. eccentricity. pain.

seems as though my life has consists of these things.

confusion. wonder. eccentricity. pain.

i awaken  in a blur, as  these four are there to greet me at dawn.

confusion. wonder. eccentricity. pain.

 for almost seventeen years, they strangely remain.

confusion. wonder. eccentricity. pain.

will i strengthen  from this, or will i let it break me ?

the answer will continue to be unknown.. that is, until i stop letting my fears and emotions control me.  i cannot let them exist. they must vanish now.

Wrote this a while ago..

when the sky is blue, that's how i'm feeling.

as the wind blows, so do my kisses.

when the rain pours down, my tears do the same.

as gray skies appear, i feel alone.

when the sun sets, i am instantly inspired.

as the dawn arrives, i embrace a new journey.

when night is near, i am ready to dream.

but when the sun shines, you are with me.

I am not Afraid..

it is somewhat difficult yet so easy for me to describe how i feel.. difficult when at an attempt to explain to others, yes. easy when we're expressing our mutual feelings to each other and no one else ? absolutely.  only we can truly understand the connection that lies within both of us. in the past, confusion was there  to greet us with open arms.. but we pushed it away once the truth became clear in our eyes. although the distance between us is a factor now, i've never felt so close to your heart. its so much better knowing how you feel, because now our admiration  for each other is no longer a  blur of  mystery... but a vivid realization.  we made a promise never to forget, but to remain hopeful that we will be together at some point in time. i will always be here for you, and i am confident that you know this.. and if  confusion comes back and takes hold of your feelings, do not hesitate to defeat it.. just look into my eyes and you will see what is true.. because our eyes will never lie at the sight of what is real.  despite my fear and anxieties, i am not afraid to embrace. i am not afraid to feel.  i am not afraid to love you.

New hair. New change.

Went from brown/auburn to black/dark red.. keyword: dark. decided to edge it up a bit. i'm an upperclassmen now, and i can't believe it because it seems like yesterday that i was a shy, insecure freshman. and looking back 2 years ago to now, i've noticed a change. i'm not exactly how i use to be. some of the things that i focus on now are slightly different. i know more. i've experienced a little more. i've been through more. i'm still that shy, insecure girl that i was 2 years ago, but she hides and doesn't come out as much as she use to. only every once in a while. for some strange reason, i'm looking forward skool.i don't know if it's because i want it to be over already  or because i know that there is more for me to experience. whatever happens, i just hope  that another positive change occurs within myself.. because i've matured. i've learned. i've realized.

Feel.

i want so badly to feel.. to feel like someone cares.. like i have a shoulder to cry on. but not just any shoulder.. the shoulder of  someone accepting.. willing to accept all that i am and also the flaws that i posses.  i am far from perfect, and i want that to be understood. i want many things right now..endless, infinite things. but the one thing that i would choose out of  my many desires  is nothing more than that of.... love. whatever that may be, i am not sure because it is love that my soul has yet to experience.. it is love that i need to be happy... it is love that i need to feel . . . . complete.